I'm mainly posting this because you guys have listen to me go through a lot in the last few journals and I wanted to let you know what was up. (I'm not looking for any sympathy but instead want to encourage you to take care of yourself.)
After everything that has happened I realized how awful I was feeling and how much my reactions to things were changing. This included thoughts I hadn't had in a long time of suicide and self injury. So when I realized this I made a doctor appointment. At that appointment I talked with my doctor and we began a treatment for depression. I haven't been on it long but there are small signs that things are turning around. I am about half through a therapy to help with some bloody discharge issues I had; it is also improving. Also on Monday I'm hoping to make a few more phone calls to get the last few things checked out.
So I'm not at a 100% yet but for the first time in a long time I think things are on the right road. My final thought on the subject is if you feel something is different or off about yourself please call someone. No one can take of yourself except you.